Wednesday, May 23, 2012

some days, I just wear PJs.

I think we all agree that sometimes, it's hard to feel good about our appearance.  Maybe it's weight gain, or weight loss...  or pregnancy...  or having just popped out a baby...  new job...  health problems...  yada, yada, yada.  We've all got a reason!

I've been struggling with feeling confident about how other people perceive me for two big reasons:

     1.  Post-wedding weight gain.  Yep.  I have it.  About 10 lbs difference, but on such a small frame (~4'10"), it really shows.  And most of my favorite clothes are a little too snug for comfort.  Trying to lose that weight has been a struggle, and I'm still fighting it.  I've lost some motivation ("will I EVER fit back into that cute pencil skirt?") and I'm trying desperately to get it back.  I admit, it's mostly vanity pounds...  but I also want to stay in the habit of a healthy lifestyle.  I don't want to let weight gain and unhealthy habits creep up on me, until they've taken over.  So it starts NOW.

     2.  I've got a foot problem.  I've got bone spurs ("pump bump" FTW!) on the back of my ankles.  Five years ago, I had the biggest one on my right foot removed.  It was a long and grueling recovery.  Usually, I'd be exaggerating by using "grueling"... but in all honesty, that's the truth.  Now the one on my left foot is bothering me so much that I can only wear flat boots (um, not in THIS summer heat!) and flat sandals for any extended amount of time.  Funnily, heels bother me LESS than flats do; currently, flats are almost unbearable.  Now flat sandals are cute, and I'm lucky it's summer and I can get away with it at work.  But sometimes, I want to wear heels or really cute flats... and I can't.  I feel extra-stifled when it comes to my fashion choices:  I can only wear half my clothes (see #1) and I can only wear certain shoes.  That really narrows things down!

See this example:
oh, hi!  welcome to my bathroom.  we have renegade flies, hence the flyswatter behind me.  I'll try to move it out of the picture next time.  :)  actually, how about I find a better location...?

My clothes actually kind of match today!  Normally, I would wear this skirt with heels and a dressier shirt.  But, I'm limited to flat sandals, so that also limits the outfit...  I feel like I have to dress it down.

But I don't want to dress EVERYTHING down!

Anyway, I guess I said all that to say this:  There has been a lack of outfit posts because of reasons 1 and 2 (and also because I have a cruddy iPhone and bathroom mirror for taking pictures).  I haven't felt like I have anything to share.  I am wearing the same stuff, just mixing and matching... it's like I'm caught up in a bad cycle of 30 for 30... FOREVER.  And then I just wear PJs.  Because who doesn't feel good in a pair of comfy PJs?

Oh, is that just me? 

So, I'm going to have to be a little more honest here.  I'd like to start updating my workouts (and when I skip them, more importantly) and all the snackies that happen during the day...  Accountability.  I need motivation and encouragement!

Am I being superficial?  Maybe a little...  But it's more than just looking hot.  It's about learning to love and respect your body.  I am NOT respecting my body or loving myself by constantly gorging on brownies or gelato or nommy Jalapeno Kettle Corn chips.  I'm not loving myself by skipping workouts or berating myself for it.  I'm just not.  And that, in turn, makes me feel very un-confident.  And that's just not cool, folks.  NOT COOL AT ALL.

Also, I'm looking into getting the same surgery done on my left foot this winter.  It's getting hard to walk, which is so much more frustrating than my limited shoe collection.  A little somewhat scared out of my mind to have it done again, but I guess I gotta be a big girl and just DO IT.

That's become my motto, I guess.  Scared of a bundt pan?  Need to finish a home improvement project?  Gotta get healthy?

No fear, no regrets: JUST DO IT.

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